Beyond Mom Life: 4 Compelling Reasons to Dive Back into Your Hobbies

When I ask women who are mothers of young children or daughters of aging parents, “What are your hobbies?”, the typical response is a long pause followed by, “Hmmm….I used to (fill in the blank) before I had kids.” When I was asked that question at a work lunch I honestly could not think of a single hobby. This made me feel embarrassed and I wondered, what happened to me? 

Yoga class in the park

I was so entrenched in my family and work life that I had completely disconnected from any concept of self and fun. I abandoned all the activities I enjoyed to make sure my children were living their best lives. I was running around after school getting them to music lessons and soccer and gymnastics, but I wasn’t doing anything for myself. Sound familiar?

Before I had children I loved doing yoga. I did a formal yoga class twice a week for years. I had an amazing yoga teacher and I remember loving the world and feeling so much joy during that time. After my first son was born 22 years ago, I did try keeping up with my yoga practice for a bit and transitioned to a baby and mommy class. But, with time that slipped away as the demands of balancing motherhood and a career overwhelmed me. 

I also enjoyed painting many moons ago. I started painting when I was in middle school inspired by the book The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone. It was a Renaissance historical fiction about Michelangelo’s life. I loved this book so much I started painting. I continued painting through my teen years and took a few classes in college. At one point I was in the studio at least 2 hours a day. Today I can’t remember the last time I held a paint brush in my hand.

Why should we reconnect with our hobbies? How will engaging in what may be considered a frivolous activity change my life? How do we redefine an ingrained mindset that makes us feel guilty when we participate in activities that take us away from our children and homes?

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD RECONNECT WITH YOUR HOBBIES

#1 - Develop Your Identity Outside the Home

Making a plan to participate in a hobby on a regular basis outside the home will develop your identity as a woman, independent from family commitments. This time and space will recharge your emotional batteries. Spending time in community with people who don’t depend on you for anything, will give you a new perspective and help you unplug and be present. This reframe will bring you joy, and when you return home your children will experience a more loving and balanced caretaker. And, your partner will get a happier, more fulfilled spouse.

#2 - You Show People How to Treat You

When you decide to make yourself a priority and participate in a hobby, you are communicating that you matter and that your joy matters. This is so powerful. You’re announcing to your family and friends that you deserve to pursue something that is important to you.  When you do this, your entire life will change because communicating your value will teach people to treat you well. If you set the example, others will follow.

#3 - We Learn Through Play

Through play children understand who they are and learn about the world around them. Being curious and pursuing an activity puts you in a state of exploration. It is during these times that we learn the most about ourselves; what we love, what brings us joy, how we feel. We overcome challenges through play. We access our silly through play. We synthesize information and create new ways of being in the world. We learn how to cooperate and reduce our egos. Play, in the form of a hobby, is not a frivolous pursuit, but a necessary evolution of the self.

#4 - Do As I Do, Not As I Say

Our children are watching our every move and noticing everything we do. Unnerving, yes it is! They hear us tell them what to do and what not to do, but they really learn how to behave by watching how we behave. When you prioritize going out and having fun with a hobby, you are teaching your children that they should also prioritize themselves. Women who have daughters, teach your daughters that it’s necessary to be a person outside the home. Women who have sons, teach them the same so that they will encourage their life partners in the future to take care of themselves too. You can't expect your children to value and show up for themselves if you don’t model this way of living first.

In summary, make a plan today to either rekindle an old hobby or start a new one. If you don’t have any idea what to do, ask other women what they do. You can join a community class through your city. Maybe try a formal cooking class or take a ceramics class. Maybe sign up for a class at your local community college in an area you find interesting. Whatever it is, be curious and explore and keep exploring until you find something that fits. And then make this a weekly ritual. Tell your family that once a week you will be busy and protect this time slot. You Well-Being Matters!

I myself have ventured back into yoga and this is bringing me so much joy. This has made a significant difference in the way I feel, how I show up for myself, and how I am now showing up for the people I love. Give it a try. Pick a hobby and let me know what you’re going to do so I can hold you to it. I also plan on digging out my old paint supplies from the garage some time this weekend. Photo to follow, I promise!

Unraveling the Ego in Relationships: A Journey from Judgment to Love

You stay awake for hours reliving the argument over and over. You replay what he said, what you said. A broken record stuck in the wrong groove inside a delusional brain. Hours upon hours of uncontested examination yields nothing. Ego says, “Why can’t you see that I am right?”

The universe can be a relentless mosquito sucking blood and leaving behind a trail of itchy, swollen bites. It serves painful experiences that are supposed to convert into life transforming realizations. Sometimes you can believe, “Things are not happening to you, they are happening for you.” Sometimes you are just too tired, too disassociated to care about finding purpose in your struggle.

And then an unexpected flash of awareness arises as a quiver in your gut. It whispers, “Let go.” Let go of your ego. Underneath the pain there is an unmet need. Our ego loves crafting full-blown, action stories where you are the hero and your lover the villain. The hero is always RIGHT and the villain always WRONG. But who decides what part you play? Is it fair that you are the judge and jury in your own court case?

Ego loves to see the world in black and white. Two extremes that never meet. Black and white thinking keeps me stuck. Ego wins. 

When you enter the world of gray, you step into a new dynamic where ego is demoted and you recognize that your opinion and point of view are equally important as theirs. You are able to see them as the person you love and that person loves you. They are not your opponent. They are your champion. When your heart recognizes them as your lover, your intentions become clear. They just want you to really see them and sit with them sharing their joy and pain. 

In relationships people feel alone when they have needs that are not being met. Couples choose to fight about the undone chores as a placeholder for the discomfort and despair living can bring. Overwhelmed by responsibilities and obligations, their pain bodies feed. It's almost unavoidable. Clarity comes through awareness of where ego ends and soul begins. It’s learning how to soothe your love by being present with supportive gestures and a willingness to listen.

Underneath the pain there is an unmet need. The ego loves drama and wants to keep you both fighting to be right. Try and replace the need to be right with curiosity about the person you’ve selected to share your world. What do they need right now? How can you help them feel that they are loved and cared for? Make them feel that their needs are just as important as yours. This curiosity will transform every relationship you value.

Tonight remind yourself that your lover deserves your time. Ask them to share. Be open to what they have to say. Be a compassionate listener and listen without judgment or waiting for your turn to speak. If you are still lucky enough to have their attention, don’t let it slip away by listening to your misguided ego that loves creating stories to keep you alone instead of in love.

Dare to Fall on Your Face

Happy Friday everyone! This week I launched my NEW podcast Chingonas In Life!

What a week its been! On Tuesday, May 14th, I officially launched this new show in honor of my Tia Rosa's birthday. Tia Rosa was the OG Chingona, a woman ahead of her time in terms of independence and self-determination. She's the inspiration behind this show and I carry her with me through this project.

Turning 50 in December inspired me to redefine my goals and truly explore the activities that give me joy. Reaching this milestone gave me a new clarity about life and death, one I imagine any of you in this age range have experienced. As my husband James put it, we are at the age where we are truly making REAL plans for retirement. Holy shit! Before this year any conversation about retirement was whimsical, light, fleeting. Now it feels real, imminent, unavoidable.

Our children are older. Our youngest is 16, driving and very independent. Our oldest is graduating from college and our middle is graduating from high school. Of course, they still need us, but not in the same way they did as children. Our place in their lives as primary caretakers is transforming to primary cheerleaders. We're here to support and love them, but they are of the age where they must start taking their own action and being responsible for their own experiences.

And here I am, having played it safe all these years staying well within my comfort zone. And then you wake up and you realize the clock is ticking louder and louder every year. Do you keep playing it safe or do you jump off the cliff? This podcast is my jumping off a cliff. I actually never even thought of creating a podcast. I have always been in media through film and video and this was never a gaol. But here I am., and full disclosure, this is so much fun!

The vision behind this podcast came to me as I was reading stats about Latinas in the media. Even though are numbers are steadily growing in our communities, we lack proportionate representation. What's that about?

As a producer and writer, I am always meeting really amazing people. Lately, I've had the great fortune of meeting many immigrant families from Centra America and Mexico through a project I'm working on. Talking to these women moved me beyond words. These women are chingonas (bad asses)! What they have survived and lived through brought me to tears and also filled me with laughter. Their stories penetrated my soul and that's where this podcast was born.

Chingonas in Life will celebrate women by sharing stories of struggle and strength, love and heartache, of hope and resilience. By being vulnerable and honest, we will transform judgment into compassion. My dream is that we inspire women to release shame about life choices and really explore and understand why we accept roles we don't want.

The first episode was a conversation with my cousin Letty, Tia Rosa's daughter, to frame what we're doing. In this first episode Letty says we never were taught about self-love and we explore ideas of worthiness as Mexican-American women.

My why for this show is to celebrate Latinas in our communities that hold shit down and keep their families going. Even though a part of me is scared to put myself out there and be vulnerable, I am too old and too close to retirement to not share my truth. So here I go, daring to fall on my face. If I do fall on my face, at least I tried. No regrets - life really is too short!

Please, pretty please subscribe to my podcast. I need to have 100 subscribers before I can use cool podcast features on my platform. New episodes will be available every Wednesday. You can listen to Chingonas in Life on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart podcasts, Amazon Music, and Boomerang.

Listen on Amazon Audible

Listen on Spotify

Cheers to a great weekend and to daring greatly!