When I ask women who are mothers of young children or daughters of aging parents, “What are your hobbies?”, the typical response is a long pause followed by, “Hmmm….I used to (fill in the blank) before I had kids.” When I was asked that question at a work lunch I honestly could not think of a single hobby. This made me feel embarrassed and I wondered, what happened to me?
I was so entrenched in my family and work life that I had completely disconnected from any concept of self and fun. I abandoned all the activities I enjoyed to make sure my children were living their best lives. I was running around after school getting them to music lessons and soccer and gymnastics, but I wasn’t doing anything for myself. Sound familiar?
Before I had children I loved doing yoga. I did a formal yoga class twice a week for years. I had an amazing yoga teacher and I remember loving the world and feeling so much joy during that time. After my first son was born 22 years ago, I did try keeping up with my yoga practice for a bit and transitioned to a baby and mommy class. But, with time that slipped away as the demands of balancing motherhood and a career overwhelmed me.
I also enjoyed painting many moons ago. I started painting when I was in middle school inspired by the book The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone. It was a Renaissance historical fiction about Michelangelo’s life. I loved this book so much I started painting. I continued painting through my teen years and took a few classes in college. At one point I was in the studio at least 2 hours a day. Today I can’t remember the last time I held a paint brush in my hand.
Why should we reconnect with our hobbies? How will engaging in what may be considered a frivolous activity change my life? How do we redefine an ingrained mindset that makes us feel guilty when we participate in activities that take us away from our children and homes?
REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD RECONNECT WITH YOUR HOBBIES
#1 - Develop Your Identity Outside the Home
Making a plan to participate in a hobby on a regular basis outside the home will develop your identity as a woman, independent from family commitments. This time and space will recharge your emotional batteries. Spending time in community with people who don’t depend on you for anything, will give you a new perspective and help you unplug and be present. This reframe will bring you joy, and when you return home your children will experience a more loving and balanced caretaker. And, your partner will get a happier, more fulfilled spouse.
#2 - You Show People How to Treat You
When you decide to make yourself a priority and participate in a hobby, you are communicating that you matter and that your joy matters. This is so powerful. You’re announcing to your family and friends that you deserve to pursue something that is important to you. When you do this, your entire life will change because communicating your value will teach people to treat you well. If you set the example, others will follow.
#3 - We Learn Through Play
Through play children understand who they are and learn about the world around them. Being curious and pursuing an activity puts you in a state of exploration. It is during these times that we learn the most about ourselves; what we love, what brings us joy, how we feel. We overcome challenges through play. We access our silly through play. We synthesize information and create new ways of being in the world. We learn how to cooperate and reduce our egos. Play, in the form of a hobby, is not a frivolous pursuit, but a necessary evolution of the self.
#4 - Do As I Do, Not As I Say
Our children are watching our every move and noticing everything we do. Unnerving, yes it is! They hear us tell them what to do and what not to do, but they really learn how to behave by watching how we behave. When you prioritize going out and having fun with a hobby, you are teaching your children that they should also prioritize themselves. Women who have daughters, teach your daughters that it’s necessary to be a person outside the home. Women who have sons, teach them the same so that they will encourage their life partners in the future to take care of themselves too. You can't expect your children to value and show up for themselves if you don’t model this way of living first.
In summary, make a plan today to either rekindle an old hobby or start a new one. If you don’t have any idea what to do, ask other women what they do. You can join a community class through your city. Maybe try a formal cooking class or take a ceramics class. Maybe sign up for a class at your local community college in an area you find interesting. Whatever it is, be curious and explore and keep exploring until you find something that fits. And then make this a weekly ritual. Tell your family that once a week you will be busy and protect this time slot. You Well-Being Matters!
I myself have ventured back into yoga and this is bringing me so much joy. This has made a significant difference in the way I feel, how I show up for myself, and how I am now showing up for the people I love. Give it a try. Pick a hobby and let me know what you’re going to do so I can hold you to it. I also plan on digging out my old paint supplies from the garage some time this weekend. Photo to follow, I promise!
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